Wednesday, December 3, 2008

not a good morning

I broke down this morning. I cried. The little man woke up at five again and I did not have a choice but to get up as well. He was good for a few minutes and then he started banging the door to the oven. I told him no several times but I think it was his way of letting out his frustration since he is sick with the cold. He has been irritable since last night. He kept on coming back every time I ran him off. When the husband woke up he started getting on his son's ass and it got pretty loud after that. The little man cried when he was forced to get out of the kitchen. The husband was angry because of his son's defiance. All that happened very early in the morning. I just felt like it was too much. I could not stop myself even if I wanted to. I started crying. Not the hysterical kind though. I still had chores to do after all. Even with me being emotional and all I have responsibilities to my husband and to my son. The husband said he was sorry. It was not really his fault. I just felt like I am a failure as a person. Nagdrama ang bruha, lol. My son did not mind me, the husband was not pleased, I was miserable from having sleepless nights. Awful! I want to shy away from responsibilities for a while and not worry about anything. I need a break. But if I will, what is going to happen to these two who at bedtime start looking for me when I am just in the bathroom? Besides I will just worry about them anyway. Perhaps we should just go ahead and book flights to Leyte where we can be with my parents who will shoulder most of my responsibilities for me while I relax. This way, I can be with my family yet I don't have to be doing everything for them. Is this selfish? I hope this negative feeling will go away. I don't want to dwell with negativities right now. My family needs me. Besides it is not like me to be introspective. Could this mean I am feeling my age?

1 comment:

poray said...

mao btaw..i think i just need to relax..i haven't done that since i got married.. daghan responsibilidad oi nya wla parents na makatabang ba :)